Pet Loss Children

This can be especially traumatic for children. Many children love their pets deeply, and may not remember a time in their lives without them. In many instances a child’s pet is a best friend or companion. A pet can be a source of comfort to a child who is unwell, or feeling sad. Although it is almost impossible to protect your child from the pain of the loss, there are steps you can take to help your child cope with the loss.

Adults tend to have a recognizable grieving process with a predictable chain of emotions, but the effects on children vary quite widely depending upon the child’s age and maturity level. A young child also tends to return to the subject repeatedly requiring extreme patience from you, the parent.

Up to age four, children typically have no real understanding of death, usually considering it a form of sleep. Tell your child gently that their pet has died and will not be coming back. Assure your child that the pet’s failure to return is not their fault, and is unrelated to anything your child may have said or done. Your child may be generally distressed, and may temporarily stop speaking or verbalizing at all.

Generally, children aged five to eight years old tend to have an unclear understanding of death. Some children believe their pet continues to live somewhere else, or have a belief that their pet is asleep, and that death is a temporary state. Some children feel that any anger they had for their pet may be responsible for its death, and feel a strong sense of guilt or shame. This child may feel angry and blame themselves, or you, the parent for their pet’s passing. At this age, many children then become fearful of losing others that they love like family members, other pets, or may even have a fear of dying themselves. Some children regress temporarily in development and maturity and may have sleep and eating disruptions, including bed wetting and recurring nightmares. It will be most helpful to have several brief discussions with your child, allowing them to express their feelings and concerns in a calm, nurturing environment.

Children aged nine to twelve have usually grasped the finality of death. Although children of this age tend to not personalize death, they frequently become overly concerned about the possible death of their parents. Recognising this fear and talking about it explicitly can be of great help and comfort to your child. Your child may also be very curious about death and all its implications, and as a parent you should be prepared to have honest, frank conversations with a willingness to answer all their questions as best you can. Grief can manifest in various ways in this age group, including difficulties at school, specific learning difficulties, antisocial behavior, aggression or withdrawal, hypochondriacal concerns and general clingy behavior and needing constant reassurance and support. Sometimes these behaviors can arise weeks or even months after the passing of a beloved pet.

Most children aged twelve and older view death as natural, inevitable, and universal. They tend to respond to death similarly to adults, and can be helped in a similar manner. Adolescents do tend to frequently exhibit various forms of denial, usually in the form of a lack of emotional display. These young people may be experiencing sincere grief without any outward manifestations.