Grief Understanding Grief

Do all people grieve in the same way?

No – not at all. Many people cry, but some do not. Some people feel very sad and want to talk about it. Others want to work through it alone, and don’t want to share their feelings. Most people experience grief in waves that come and go, seemingly randomly. Some people feel their worst early on, whilst others find that their most difficult times come months, or sometimes even years later.

The more your pet was part of your everyday life and routines, the more you can expect the grief to impact you.

What are the signs that I am grieving?

You may experience feelings of sadness, yearning, anxiety, anger, exhaustion, and loneliness.

You may have feelings of shame or guilt, and others of relief.

You may feel physical symptoms of tightness in the chest or throat, pain in the heart area, shortness of breath, sudden heart palpitations, dizziness, nausea, headaches and trembling in the hands.

You may sleep poorly, or find that you sleep too much. You may have unusual and vivid dreams, or upsetting nightmares.

You may eat too much or too little, or over indulge in unhealthy eating.

You may find that you are absent-minded, withdraw socially, or engage in restless over- activity.

What are the stages of the grieving process?

Denial – It can seem unreal, and challenging for your mind to process your pet’s passing as a fact which then leads to

Anger – often at the “why” and “how” of your pet’s passing, especially in the case of accidents, incurable diseases and illness.

This leads to Bargaining and constant “what if”s and “if only”s which are extremely stressful and upsetting.Depression or sadness is frequently the longest phase, and some people will always hold a small amount of sadness in their hearts for their beloved pets. Eventually everyone reaches acceptance of the passing, but this acceptance does not mean forgetting all the memories of your beloved pet. You may feel like life is becoming more normal again, and may even consider adopting another pet.

What can help with my grieving process?

Even though you cannot control when and how you will feel your grief, you can take an active role in how your grief unfolds.

Often some kind of ceremonial farewell can help you adjust to the death of a beloved pet. Taking the opportunity to acknowledge and recognize that something very significant and life changing has happened to you can really help.

If your pet has a terminal illness, it can help enormously to plan the death.
If your pet has passed, talking with others or keeping a personal journal of your feelings can help ease your pain.
Creating a virtual pet memorial can help honor and acknowledge the love you and your pet shared
Be gentle with yourself and get enough rest. Try practicing nurturing meditations and affirmations.
Spend time in nature. Feeling in touch with the natural rhythms of life and death and rebirth, day and night and the changing of the seasons, can really be a comfort and help enormously.
Treat yourself as you would a wounded friend that you care for deeply.
Connecting with others who are also on this journey can help. Find comfort in connection, and share your happy memories of your pet with others. Sharing our pets’ funny quirks and unique talents is uplifting and generous to others and ourselves.

How can my grief be controlled and managed?

You can be intentional about taking good care of yourself by eating and sleeping well, doing activities that you enjoy, and spending time with people that lift your spirits and make you feel good about yourself.

However, you cannot control what you will feel, and when you will feel it.

Click here for further information on how to recognize, acknowledge and express these feelings.