Grief How to Manage Grief
You are not alone on this journey through grief.
Others have traveled the same path you are on now and eventually returned to engaging and fulfilling lives. Right at this very moment, there are others alongside you, living and learning, just as you are. Grieving is a lengthy and challenging process, and it’s unique to each individual.
Not everyone will understand your pain.
Many won’t comprehend how deeply it hurts you, making it a tough challenge to deal with. Often, it goes on longer than those around you expect, especially for those who don’t grasp how profoundly your life has been affected by this loss. Some may want you to get back to normal faster than you’re able, not understanding that you are no longer the same person you were before.
You might find that not everyone is receptive if your sadness lingers. Some may resist your need to talk about what happened and how you feel.
Others may be dismissive, not comprehending the depth of your experience and insisting that you move on. Yet, in today’s world, it’s likely that you spent more time with your pet than with any other being, sharing your private space and thoughts with a creature whose love for you was unconditional.
You might also grow weary of your grieving.
It may persist longer than you want it to. The fatigue, the feelings of sadness, the extra effort required to show up in your life – it can be overwhelming. No matter how exhausting, the grieving process is silently guiding you through the pain to heal the wound in your heart. The best way out is always through, and this can be a time of growth, a chance to become the person you wish to be, and to eventually feel like yourself again.
To start healing, allow yourself to feel your feelings in their entirety and complexity.
Deal with your emotions as they happen and accept them for what they are because they are entirely normal.
- You may expect to feel sad, depressed, or even in despair.
- Loneliness might creep in, even when you’re with other people you care for.
- Exhaustion and tiredness, along with a short attention span and impatience, may become your daily companions.
- You might be easily distracted and disinterested in things that used to bring you pleasure or comfort.
- Other unexpected feelings might come up that surprise you or cause concern.
- You might feel truly angry at your loss, or even enraged.
- There might be a strong sense of anxiety or fear without a clear understanding of why.
- Guilt may surface unexpectedly as you consider different ways you could have behaved or responded.
- You might even feel a sense of relief, as if a burden has been lifted, and that might bring feelings of shame or embarrassment.
- You could also feel empty and numb, or feel nothing at all. This is surprisingly common, and it’s nature’s way of protecting you from trauma overload. Starting the healing process takes courage, energy, and stamina, and your body and mind may not be up for the task immediately. Have patience with yourself and treat yourself kindly if you experience this.
Recognize, acknowledge, and then express these feelings.
Decide what approach is best for you.
- You may choose to confide in only one other person – a friend, family member, or professional therapist.
- Talking one-on-one with various people in your life could also be an option, finding comfort and support in their care for you. Reach out to those who are good listeners, people you can trust.
- Other pet owners, who often empathize, can be a good starting point; begin with those you know well who have beloved pets of their own.
- You may also prefer organized support groups, whether in person or online. These groups are made up of people going through experiences similar to yours and can be very helpful.
- Expressing your feelings in writing might be another avenue, be it in a journal for your eyes only or through text or email messages to a trusted friend or confidant. Writing can force you to be more deliberate in expressing your emotions and to think carefully about how you really feel. You might even try your hand at poetry, writing a fictional story, or providing a detailed account of your own life and what happened to you. Experiment with different forms and see how it makes you feel. You’re exploring ways to make sense of what happened and finding ways to accept it, bit by bit, on your road to healing.
Be patient with your grieving process.
In today’s fast-paced world of instant gratification and rapid changes, you might be surprised at how slowly your grief unfolds. It can catch you off guard, and the pain can resurface at strange, unexpected times. You’ve experienced a profound loss of love, and even though the world, and perhaps you, wish it to move linearly and be over as soon as possible, nature is slow, thorough, and complete – like the changing seasons in a year that won’t be hurried.